Sunday 4th November 2007



Hi everyone, Remember me? It’s Bertie, or as some of you used to call me, and I know who you are, noisy Bertie. Well I just thought I’d write and tell you how I’m getting on in my new home.

It was around the middle of May when this lady and man came to the kennels to see me. I knew I had to be on my very bestest behaviour as, well to be quite honest, I was getting fed up in the kennels and wanted to go back into a nice cosy house.

So this lady and man took me for a walk with this other black greyhound, and boy was she hard work. She just kept ignoring me!!! I kept trying to nudge her, to get her to play, but no, it never worked, she was having none of it. The lady and man took me back to the kennels and I thought I was doomed to spend the summer there. Don’t get me wrong, I did like the kennels, all my lady friends, the two and four legged variety, who I used the Bertie charm on, used to make a big fuss of me, but all I wanted was a nice deep, carpet to lie in again. I still don’t know why I ended up back in the kennels after staying so long in my old home, so I thought I’d better make the best of it while I was there.

Anyway, let’s get back to the lady, man and the snobby dog. THEY CAME BACK FOR ME!!!!! It was brilliant!!! They took me to a house miles away from the kennels but the only downside was that the pampered princess, who I met that time, also lived there with the lady and man. But this time, she came out to the car when I arrived and greeted me like a long lost friend, can you believe the cheek of her, after the reception she gave me in Hersham!!!

As it turned out, the pampered princess or the PP as I like to call her, her proper name was Lass. The man’s name was Garvan, and the lady’s name was Angie. They made me feel very welcome and took us all for a nice big walk along the river. Once we got home to my new house, Angie, my new mum, fed both me and the PP. After that big long journey, well I just had to get some sleep, as I was so tired. But, and here’s what I don’t understand, every bed seemed to belong to the PP, even though two of them looked suspiciously new, and never used before…… Well I decided that I was going to sleep on one of them regardless of what the PP thought.

And so I made my mark on my new home. My new mum and Dad took me and Lass everywhere. We’d go into the car and end up in places I’d never been before, and I have to tell you, I love going on my trips out in the car. I stand at the window behind my new dad, with my head out, and I tell him the directions. He doesn’t always listen though and sometimes we end up at a stupid place called Tesco’s, where, and this is why they are stupid, I am not allowed inside. Don’t these people know who I am!!


After a couple of weeks of living in my new home, they took me down to this big beach where, and this is the best bit, I got to see all my old pals from the kennels. It was good to see them, and I just had to tell them how good my new home was, and how I’ve managed to get the PP under my spell, and how the good old Bertie charm worked on her. Well that’s what I told my kennel pals, I couldn’t tell them that she takes the right Mickey out of me. They wouldn’t understand how big macho me could let this wee girly thing bully me, so I just told them that I was in charge now.

I couldn’t tell them how if she wanted my bed, she’d run out into the garden, and I’d chase her thinking there was a nice, juicy cat out there, only to turn around to find she’d gone back indoors and was now laying flat on my nice warm bed!!!

I couldn’t tell them how this wee girly thing, every time I wanted to go up on the bed with my new mum and dad, would growl at me until I moved away from the bed, oh no, that was for me to know only.

But it wasn’t long before she started to succumb to that old Bertie charm. Now we share dinners, drinks and even Maltesers. And I learned a new trick when eating Maltesers. My new Dad would make me give him one of my paws, a rather tedious task for one as bright as me, and as a reward for me doing that, I let him give me a Maltesers. Well I got fed up lifting my paw up every time I wanted Maltesers, so now I just rest my big front paw on his knee all the time when the Maltesers are going. And he feeds me them. I must tell the boys in the kennels about that next time I see them.

Only a few weeks ago, my new mum and dad’s nephews were down for a holiday. Oh boy were they noisy. The PP disappeared into the bathroom, but she shouldn’t have because it was like all the Maltesers in the world were in the house then. Little Matthew, the noisiest one, used to follow me around all the time, feeding me doggy treats, oh I loved it. And I got most of them because her ladyship wouldn’t come out of the bathroom. Well I wasn’t going to cut down my doggy treat intake and share them, no way

I have now settled right into my new home, though I do wonder sometimes about my old place. I must remember not to upset my new mum and dad in case they send me back, but I don’t think they will. My dad especially has taken a shine to me, I think it’s because I reward him by letting him feed me my favourite Maltesers and also, when he comes home from work, I go running to the front door when I see him from the upstairs window and give him lots of hugs and waggy tails. My mummy too thinks I’m brilliant because I guard the house a night time, but she doesn’t realise how easy that is. I just lie there, and if I hear any dodgy noises, I bark, noise goes away, I go back to sleep. How easy can it be!!! The PP doesn’t know how to be a guard dog; she just hides under the bed. So it’s now back to me being big macho Bertie…



I’m going to go now as it’s nearly time for our dinner. One thing I have to tell you before I do go is that apparently, we are all going to some place called Glasgow for Christmas, and even better, Angie’s dad will love me because I’m so much fun, not like the PP, she just hides in the bedroom when she goes to Glasgow. Well I’m not going to do that. I’m going to show everyone who I am.

So everyone, thank you for looking after me while I was staying with you, but I am loving my new home. When we go for walks, it seems like the whole world stops to say hello to me. I always say hello back, but the PP only does so sometimes, jings she is so stuck up, what’s so important about her anyway. I hope to see you all again soon, just so that I can show off to the boys in the kennels that the Bertie charm does still work.

Oh, and you’ll never guess what? I found out a short time after I came to stay here that the PP was actually my sister. Can you imagine that?? Big bouncy me and that wee spoilt thing. I can’t see why we’re brother and sister, because we are just so different. I’m full of fun, and she’s so full of self importance. But it seems that it is true, she is my big sister. Her racing name was Gleaming Lass, mine was Miniature me and when my new dad checked our history, we both have the same doggy dad. Well as they say, you can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family.

So bye for now and if we don’t see you before Christmas, I hope you all have a brilliant time.

Toodle loo the noo,

Bertie